Press enter to see results or esc to cancel.

Parenting without Shame Podcast Episode


Shaming our kids – good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

What is Shame?
The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair.

Effects of Shame

  • Shame pushes your child into isolation.
  • Shame says there is no hope. Because I’m broken and no one wants me.

Examples of Parental Shame

  • “I don’t care!”
  • “You are the only 10-year-old who doesn’t get this!”
  • “You will never amount to anything!”
  • “You will never get it right!”

High-stakes Moments for Shame

  • When our kids are being creative.
  • When our kids are being vulnerable.
  • When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don’t match our expectations.
  • When we don’t care about what they care about.
  • When we are critical of them about things that cannot be changed.
  • When our kids behave badly.

How do we unwind Shame?

  • Call your child out from hiding and into community.
  • Enjoy your kids.
  • Celebrate their person.
  • Show your kids approval.

Discipline that doesn’t Shame.

  • Separates their behavior from their personal worth.
  • Breaks the will but not the spirit.
  • Support guilt where it is appropriate.

Nature of Shame

  • Shame shames.
  • We will shame and will be shamed.
  • Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies.
  • Depending on what meaning our kids create from a situation, even a non-shaming intent can incite shame.
  • Christ took our shame. The gospel is the scrub that shame requires.