Core Counseling Skills for Ministers
Counselor Qualities (these qualities are shown not said)
Empathy vs. Sympathy
1. Empathy: “feel with”
2. Sympathy: “feel for”
Genuineness (not phony and not excessive, your words and actions need to be consistent)
Spontaneous
Be aware of your own feelings
Learned Skills
Attending
1. Comfortable eye contact
2. Attentive body language
3. Verbal tracking (staying with the topic/ resisting the urge to change the subject or ask irrelevant questions)
4. Notice who is doing most of the talking (may be irrelevant for some)
Listening (click for Guidelines for Effective Listening)
1. ABC’s of listening
a. Listen to words
b. Make sure you know actual meaning
c. Show them you know (reflect back what you heard them say)
2. Notice the person’s nonverbal communication
a. Facial expressions
b. Tears
c. Change in voice
Assess the Stage of Change (click for handout)
1. It is important to match your interventions to the person’s stage of change
2. They may say they are ready for change; their behavior may show otherwise
Lead
1. Ask an open question
2. Reflect
3. Give summary
4. Restate client’s thoughts
Support
1. Not necessarily condoning
2. Acknowledge reality
Influence (click for Influencing Skills Document)
Confront
1. Not criticism
2. Point out inconsistencies
3. Point out wrongs, but support
Teach
1. Reinforce improvement
2. Role play
3. Give information
The Helping Process
Step 1: Building rapport
1. The first goal is to ensure that the person knows you care
2. Sometimes the goal of the first meeting is simply to make enough connection to have a second meeting
3. Empathy, warmth, genuineness, and caring are important
Step 2: Clarify issues and identify goals
1. Using listening, leading, supporting, probing
2. Take time to glean what the counselee’s goals are
3. Find out what he knows (any behavior and feelings)
Step 3: Explore alternatives
Step 4: Stimulate change
1. Teach skills necessary
2. Confront
3. Make choices
Step 5: Evaluate results
Step 6: Termination of the relationship
1. Summarize
2. Support
3. Plan for Future
Helping People Cope With Crisis
Make contact
Reduce anxiety
Focus on present issues
Encourage action
Help with acceptance of situation
Click for printable document
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