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Information by Topic, Premarital Counseling page.

Why should we prepare for marriage? Our relationship is just fine.

• This is a very common question. It also assumes that the only reason to prepare for marriage is if there are "problems" in the relationship.
• Think of premarital preparation as a way to show how important this relationship is to you and to God.
• Since God desires marriage to be a reflection of His love, making sure that your marriage reflects His image will be a blessing to you and will be pleasing to God.
• The focus of premarital work is to help you lay the foundation to truly become one.

Is the premarital counselor going to focus on what’s wrong with us?

• First, it is important to remember that the premarital counselor isn’t against your relationship! Rather, the counselor’s job is to help you look objectively at your relationship.
• Second, premarital preparation allows you to thoroughly and safely look at your relationship, looking at strengths as well as areas where you need to grow.
• Finally, by helping each of you to better understand each other, you are able to better show love to your future spouse.

What topics are covered in premarital counseling?

Spiritual Oneness Communication Conflict Resolution Finances Personality Your Family-of-Origin and In-Laws Affection, and Love Languages

Gender Differences Roles and Decision-Making Friends, Priorities & Leisure Time Sexuality in Marriage Children & Parenting Blended Family Issues Plans for Enrichment in Marriage

Premarital preparation will help you to build on your relationship strengths and give you the practical tools to help you avoid and work through marital conflict.

Is there homework?

• Yes. Between each session, couples are given homework which often consists of doing specific readings about the various aspects of marriage.
• The books below are required reading. Other readings will be given based on the needs of the couple.
  1. "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" with corresponding men's and women's workbooks
  2. "Getting to Really Know Your Life-Mate To Be"

Do you use compatibility tests?

While we don’t give “compatibility tests” we do use several inventories to help the counselor to better understand you and to help you to better understand each other. Below are descriptions of the inventories that each couple will take during the premarital counseling program.

1. PREPARE – Every couple’s relationship has strengths and weaknesses. This inventory allows couples to objectively identify these areas and to strengthen their relationship. Each partner individually answers the test questions. A computer then analyzes their responses and identifies their level of agreement, indecision, or disagreement in 11 areas. It allows us to focus more on the areas that a specific couple needs to work on and less on areas where the couple is strong.
2. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – This is a widely used personality and communication style inventory. It allows couples to understand where they are most likely to compliment or to misunderstand their future spouse. Don’t worry… there aren’t any "bad" personality types on the MBTI. Rather, we will use the approach that understanding each other and respecting differences is the path to deeper love.
3. Family History Analysis – The FHA helps the partners to better understand how their families-of-origin shape their views of marriage. This exercise helps the couple to identify and bridge differences in how they were raised and help them to establish their own identity as a couple.
4. Mental Health Screening – Everyone going into marriage has some “baggage.” While having “baggage” doesn’t mean that someone is a bad person or that they shouldn’t get married, identifying past and/or present issues is important; and, if not effectively dealt with, could negatively impact the marriage. As part of the premarital counseling, each partner in the couple is given an inventory designed to identify mental health issues, traumas, addictions, etc. that need to be accounted for in the marriage. Each partner is interviewed individually during this part of the counseling.

This sounds like a lot of work. I'm not sure I want to do all of this?

• Marriage is a tremendous blessing, but it also takes effort. If you’re not willing to go through the work of premarital counseling, you need to seriously ask yourself whether you are ready to be married.
• Yes, going through this program takes time and effort, however, it will be worth it to your relationship!

We’re busy getting ready for the wedding, I don’t think we have time.

• I’m sure you’re busy!! Engagement can be a flurry of activity that is as stressful as it is joyful.
• This is a matter of priorities. You need to intentionally work on building your relationship or else the busy-ness will rob your good intentions.
• Premarital counseling helps you to stay focused on your relationship.

Many people spend more time learning how to drive a car than learning how to have a successful marriage!

How long does your premarital preparation program take?

• Our premarital counseling program consists of 6, one-hour sessions. The number of sessions varies somewhat depending upon the couple and can be extended past 6 sessions, if needed.
• We recommend that these sessions take place early in (or in some cases before) your engagement.

How much does it cost?

• In all, the cost of premarital preparations includes the sessions, testing, and reading material.
• You should plan on having six one-hour sessions. Each session is billed at an hourly rate.
• The cost of testing is equal to one session charge.
• A sliding fee scale is available based upon annual income and dependents.
• Each couple is required to purchase and work through specific reading material.
• Sometimes premarital counseling is given to couples as a wedding present.

The cost of the wedding lasts only for a day. The results of preparing for marriage last a lifetime.

Updated 7-11-07